The Addictive Personality And Relationships


Individuals who exhibit an addictive personality are likely to find themselves stuck in troubled relationships. This is true for a wide range of associations from friendships to romantic engagements. Addictive personality disorders can profoundly affect families and performance in the workplace. They require swift and proper intervention to prevent things from getting worse.

This kind of disorder also manifests in a variety of ways relating to objects and behaviors. For instance, persons with the condition may be prone to food, drug or alcohol addiction. They can also become shoplifters, habitual spenders, workaholics, or compulsive gamblers. The way that they are behaving tends to push people away. All of these are not lost on them. They are aware that they are doing things in excess but they cannot make themselves stop. The shame and fear that they feel can really eat them from the inside.

Conflict-Centered Relationships

One of the key traits of people with additive personalities is that they usually cultivate conflict-centered relationships. Conflicts routinely occur because of their own unhealthy perception of themselves. They think that they are inadequate and they blame themselves for a lot of the problems around them. This low self-esteem pushes them to make constant comparisons with others.

Addictive personalities project their unrealistic expectations on those around them. Since they set the bar so high, others are likely to fail in their eyes. They make value judgments and respond negatively not because of what the other person does but because of their own deep-rooted insecurities.

Relationship conflicts occur due to the failure of others to live up to the lofty expectation set for them by the addicted individual. Addicts know this on some level and this is why they have contradictory emotions. On one hand, they blame others for their perceived failures. On the other, they blame themselves for being unreasonable and brewing conflict yet again.

They need to realize that their miseries are largely self-inflicted. This means that the solution must largely come from within as well. They have the power to change their thoughts and actions through complete self-awareness.

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4 thoughts on “The Addictive Personality And Relationships

  1. The link between addictive personalities and the tendency towards conflict centered relationships was right on the money. I think the key is the need for drama, tension, adrenaline and attention. Compulsive behaviors, borderline and bipolar run in my family on both sides. I used to always have destructive, long term, sad and damaging relationships with men. I met my husband of 13 years in AA. It’s the longest and lovliest relationship I’ve ever been in. He works hard at keeping what he has. I have to work with recovery/wellness from bipolar disorder/eating disorder NOS (exercise)

    So I have a different but similar recovery focus. I do find myself compulsive about writing. Recently I made a rule to balance social media with the writing projects that are not instantly gratifying. Social Media was swallowing me up and taking me away from developing my long term project!

    I take days off from social media, let the ‘likes’ and posts from those I follow add up while and pursue other mental activities. I am going to reread this and save it as well. How did we find each other? I just moved over to WordPress from Tumblr.

  2. You hit the nail right on the head here. I think you have to look within yourself for the solution when you’re an addict. I know I spent a lot of time casting around myself for a reason I behaved the way I did – it’s an uncomfortable process to go through, to heal yourself and forgive yourself most of all.
    I enjoyed this post, thank you 🙂

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